I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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