do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize
