id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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