Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
