she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
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