She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
