my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
