dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
