I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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