i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
