the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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