i permit you to call me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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