You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
