either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
