Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
