I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
