well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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