Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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