you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
