Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
