there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Randomize