normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
