He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
