I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
