I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
