Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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