i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
