Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.