Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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