Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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