VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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