And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
