I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
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If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize