Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
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Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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