Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If that was your dad, he is hot
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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