i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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