My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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