you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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