just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
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Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
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This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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