Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
