this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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