i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
