What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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