From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
