my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think my fart just growled at me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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