trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
