dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
