TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
