My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
