My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
