as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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