Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
