I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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