He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
