I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
