We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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