that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
