Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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