Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
