spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We were destined to go to rehab together
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
