I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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