If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
