I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
