Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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